We all have our faults. Not just as parents but as human beings. I think my biggest general fault is my temper. This doesn’t affect my day to day though. Maybe for my husband, sometimes the cats and kids. But definitely not my day to day. Procrastination from stress, now THAT affects my day to day.
I get stressed very easily.
Silly things will stress me out, like a hair grip not working properly when I need to get out the house. That will throw me into a complete meltdown. You can imagine how bigger things affect my stress levels. The sad thing is, the more I’m stressed the less I recognise it. Little stressors I can pin point and say, “This is stressing me out, I need to take a step back.” I struggle to identify big stressors. I mean they’re obvious really but I convince myself it’s no big deal.
Registering for Naomi’s 30 free hours for nursery for instance. I had months to do this and I knew I needed to do it, but still I put it it off until her nursery said Naomi couldn’t attend until they had the reference for the hours. I couldn’t tell you why I waited so long other than the fact it stressed me out. Rather than confronting the stress trigger and just getting it done, I swept it under the rug.
I mean, it’s not that big of a deal right?
It totally is though. It’s affecting me mentally which in turn affects the kids and my husband. It also has a potential to ruin plans. My latest bit of stress related procrastination has been the kids passports. I’ve had the applications since the end of summer last year. We fly in the first week of May. We have an appointment in Liverpool Friday for the express passport service. I STILL have not completed the applications.
Any normal person would have done this flipping months ago. I know I should have but the mere thought of submitting the applications makes my heart race and I feel sick. I then get irritable which leads to me snapping at someone. I then feel overwhelmed and cry because I don’t feel like I can cope. And repeat. This is how my day started, all because of these passports.
Now, I know why in particular I have procrastinated on these. All my visas to move the UK and marry my husband were extremely stressful. I now associate any formal applications or paperwork with the governments to be a no go zone because of the stress. Even though the passports mean a lot of fun and memories for the family, I could not physically get myself to fill in the forms.
I am aware I do this, yet I keep doing it. I can’t stop.
I suppose it is just my brains way of trying to cope with stress. Or not cope maybe. Surely I am not the only person who does this? I genuinely thought that stress wouldn’t affect how I parent or my children because you love your kids. You do anything for them (except bloody passport applications, obvs). But time and time again, I find myself stressed and procrastinating on something in my mom life. They don’t suffer at all, mind you. I doubt they even notice. Especially Leighton, he doesn’t even know the difference between his big toe and his willy.
I even left this post until this afternoon because I was stressing about what to post. So I’ll stress about writing about stress while I’m stressing about stress. Sounds logical. But how do I stop this cycle of procrastinating big stressors when I don’t even realise that I’m stressing over them until it is too late? This is tricky because I can’t use procrastination as a clue. I procrastinate for other reasons too, like being a lazy git.
Let me know if you do this as well or what coping mechanisms you’ve found for stress. How do you identify stress before it is too late and overwhelming?