Before I had kids, I dreamed of my Mothers Day being like the ones in the adverts. I’m in bed with more pillows than is required, fresh bouquet of spring flowers on the side table, a dog curled up and asleep by my feet, my children are next to me in bed with breakfast on a tray and we’re all laughing and smiling.
In reality, I’ll be in bed trying to get comfortable on a pillow that is forever going flat, my two cats are fighting on the landing, the girl is digging her boney elbows into my side while trying to show me the latest L.O.L. Doll video, my husband is moaning because the boy just released a stink bomb in his nappy and my coffee has gone cold. Again. Really though, I wouldn’t change it for the world.
With that said..
Dear Naomi and Leighton,
This Mothers Day I only have a few requests. I don’t want any fancy gifts (I won’t turn my nose up at any Cath Kidston though, just sayin) or a pamper day to myself. Instead, if you could please abide by the below it would make me the happiest bloody mom on earth.
- Please don’t shout my name at the top of your lungs at 6am while shaking your stair gate. I understand you’re awake and excited to see me but I already heard you when you slammed your door open.
- Please postpone your regular 4am babbling acceptance speech. This includes the imitation clapping you make with your wooden teether.
- Please can we listen to something other than Baby Shark when we have breakfast. I will happily listen to the Trolls soundtrack. While we’re at it, I don’t think Alexa cares that you’re eating Weetabix again.
- Please refrain from rolling onto your belly and then screaming about it. I am dead proud you can do it, but seriously just don’t if it makes you that miserable.
- Please let me have a wee without you interrogating me about my wee. Or trying to look at my wee. Preferably I can have a wee with the door closed.
- Please let me have at least one hot coffee in the morning.
- Please eat the food I give you without whining. Or gagging. Or pretending you need the toilet. Or wiggling off your seat. Or getting distracted by the digger outside.
- Please keep your volume ever so slightly lower than that of a jet engine.
- Please don’t harass the cats and chase them around the house. Yes, I know you love them. No, they don’t want your face in theirs. Yes, they probably do want treats but you’re making them fat.
- The last and most important request. Please jump on me and invade my personal space. Please give me the biggest drooliest smiles. Please cover me in snotty kisses. Please ask me for the 10th time to play the same game with you because you love spending time with me. Please climb in my bed at 6am so we can cuddle. Please show me that video again so you’re close enough I can sniff your hair. Please always be my sweet babies.
(P.S. – don’t forget I’m American. That means two Mothers Days. I better get a second card.)